Are you living two lives?
I grew up in a loving, Christian family, but for most of my young life I was serving only myself.
My mother tells me that I was like a frog living in two ponds. When it served my interests to appear to be the good, Christian boy – I lived that life. When it served my interests to party and live for pleasure – I lived that life.
Jesus said, in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Are you trying to serve two masters? Do you want to follow Jesus but you filter all of your decisions through what feels good to you? Living two lives is exhausting. I know!
I eventually surrendered to Jesus, and the joy of living only for Him has changed me completely. You can experience that joy too by telling God you want to serve only Jesus.